To let you know what I'm referring too here's a joke:
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.
The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't''t be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don''t you boys know it''s a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
LIES. My kids are telling lies. I'm not talking about things like when they say: I'm a superhero and I can fly. That's just their imagination. It's when I ask "who did this" and they say "he/she did" when they did it. It's hard when you can't tell who is telling the truth. You can't believe them since they have already lied about something else. I know they just don't want to get in trouble and we keep telling them that they will be in bigger trouble if they lie about it. Tonight we will have an FHE lesson on it but if any of you have ideas on how we can stop it please share. They are great kids so I don't want this to sound like they are constant liers. We just want to take care of it now so it doesn't get out of hand. I hope that makes sense.
Testimony of Book of Mormon
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*(The note attached inside Book of Mormon given to neighbor, etc. Art added
for this blog.) *
Thanks for accepting this copy of the Book of Mormon, which...
6 months ago
5 comments:
I don't know what to say.
I have been fighting this battle also. Let me know if you find a good tactic.
Here is my advice: Liying is actually a good thing at this age. Weird, I know. Let me finish. It is a develementally appropirate thing for them to be doing. If they were NOT doing it - there would be red flags that something was off. They are learning social skills. Not that they should get away with it - but it is nothing to freak out about. You can try what is called a social story.In fact you can google "social story - lying" or something. Just explain to them what is going on. No judgement. Explain what lying is - why it can be bad - like it may put them in danger - why trust is so important to build with people. Be VERY logical. They are lying becasue they are trying to figure things out. You need to be patient and calm. If you just explain logically what needs to happen with no guilt trip - it will built trust between you. Just like the Savior giving us parables to just explain what and why, and left us to decide. Sorry I commendeered your comments.
Interesting thoughts. She is right that it is "normal." You technically know this from your college classes. But it is still alarming! As a nanny, and now as Jakob is just barely leaning toward these tendancies,I had to remember that at this age lieing is a form of "self preservation." They are so afraid of the consequence that before they even know what's happening, the lie is out of their mouth. So enough Reasoning, here's my suggestion: Teach them like you are/have. And when something happens where there could be a stresser for the kid's about a consequece, you can confront the situation (as calm as possible) and then pause without asking for an explanation. Then give the kid's some options: You will leave the room, and they can either come to you and talk to you, or they can write it down for you. Either way, you are giving them the chance to think things through before they have to answer. This gives you time too. Once everyone has communicated with you on a personal and private level, then you can come back together (or not) and discuss the consequece. This won't work in Every situation. But it's just a thought...
My kids never lie. It is just yours. Do I get the dog now?!
That is a tough one, and something we are dealing with too. Let me know if you find something that works!
I found this on USU's page while looking for something else and liked the advice. Most adults will admit to lying as a child. In fact, being totally honest as an adult is pretty difficult to master. Yet we are distressed as parents when children are less than truthful. Honesty is the goal, but we probably shouldn't take lying as a sign of defective character. Rather, we should look for the reasons for the lying.
Often, children lie because they are scared of the consequences of telling the truth. Sometimes they lie because their selfesteem is shaky and they fear we won't love them if they tell the truth. If children feel safe, they will usually tell the truth. To promote this, consider these suggestions.
Don't ask questions you already know the answers to. Sometimes our questions invite a creative answer. Instead of "Did you do your homework?," try "I haven't seen you doing homework. What's your plan?" This approach also focuses on finding a solution rather than blaming. Avoid asking "why" questions, especially with younger children. Many times, children don't know why they did something.
Empathize with your children's situation. Try, "This must be a pretty scary situation for you if you feel like you need to lie about it." Or maybe, "You must love us a lot to be so worried about disappointing us. We want you to know that we'll always love you no matter what you do."
Don't overreact when children tell you something you don't like. Otherwise, children get good at saying what they think you want to hear. Help children feel that mistakes can be opportunities to learn. *Don't call a child who lies a liar. It can become a self-fulfilling label.
Praise children when they tell the truth. Try something like "Thanks for telling the truth even though it was hard. There needs to be a consequence for breaking our rule and I'm proud of you for being willing to deal with that."
Set an example of telling the truth. Follow through with your promises to your children. Tell them about a time you told the truth and accepted the consequences of a mistake.
Sorry for the length. But I agree that it is normal like Shanell said and should be dealt with, but I we shouldn't set them up to lie. Give them a chance to tell the truth and thank them for telling it.
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