I just thought I would put this out there to see if anyone has any advice or suggestions. Yesterday for our FHE activity we went to Logan Miniature Golf. The kids had a blast but on the last hole they had a chance to win a free game. None of the kids made it into the right hole and then the complaining began. "I want a free game!" etc... Well as we were leaving the worker there said they had four Popsicles left over and wanted to know if the kids wanted them. She mentioned they were a little thawed. We had the kids say thank you and left. As we were walking to the car we opened the packages and they started to fall apart and drop on the ground. An uproar of crying children began. "I want a big one," "I don't want this" and other similar comments. We were amazed at how ungrateful they were. We are wondering if we are spoiling them. We commonly hear phrases like "I don't want to eat this" and my reply to that is usually "Kids are starving in Ethiopia and your complaining that you have food to eat?" I don't think they understand that, but even with toys or other things when they complain I don't think they realize how good they have it. When I ask Danika to clean up she sometimes pouts that she is so picked on and has to do everything. I told her we could switch jobs and she could do all that Mommy has to do, but she didn't like that idea (gee I wonder why). Anyway, what can we do to show or teach our kids gratitude? Do any of you have similar problems? I don't mean to make it sound like a huge problem, we really just thought about it last night but it's better to get on top of it while they are young.
9 comments:
My kids are little stinkers at times also!!
The other day I was so tired of asking the 2 boys to clean their room that I said, "you have 10 min. to clean this up, if it is not done, all of your toys are mine and go into this garbage sack"!
10 min. later, of coarse the toys were still all over. So I grabbed to garbage sack and started to shove them in. They were whaling and crying! I told them they could earn them back by doing as I say!
Now, they clean when I say clean! If they don't...I start taking away toys! (Although, I haven't had to.)
Just an idea! Good luck!
We have a sign above our dining table that says "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit".
Also with food, my kids are much better at eating things that they helped to pick out or cook. I occasionally let them choose from a stack of recipes that I've chosen, or help pick out the veggies at the store, or cook dinner with me, or serve it onto the plates. All these things help them eat better.
As for the ungratefulness, this is a big issue for us too. Our kids have a limited concept of the cost of things, and think that a debit card is just magic money. We're brainstorming on creating some kind of chart where they could track what they've "earned", and we could save up for family fun times like golfing and movies. Maybe if they feel more invested in the activities, they'll be more appreciative. It's just kinda hard with our kids' generation in general, I definitely think they are all just over-indulged. :)
I agree with both previous comments. I sack up the toys too and it does make a difference. I notice the ungrateful attitudes also in my children. We have talks and make changes and things get better and then start all over again. It does feel like a constant battle, but I am willing to fight it so I won't have ungratful teenagers and adults. I too see a lot in this generation that the world revolves around them. I think the best thing to do is keep consistant and praise when you see the good efforts in thema and also in other kids. (kinda funny thing is my 5 year old right now is being a pill to me while I am making this comment...breath in...breath out)
Good luck.
Love Tina M
We are just barely starting into this stage of complaining. When it comes to things like broken Popsicles or a smaller cookie than someone else has we usually give her a choice - "this or no popsicle/cookie at all" - that usually works.
I agree though, its hard sometimes to realize when you are spoiling them and how its going to affect them later.
I'm sure I'll see more of this as Bridget gets bigger... so you'll have to let me know what ends up working best ;)
Good Luck to you!
I believe that your parents are probably doing a laughing-war-dance right about now...if I remember there are TWO of you that they had to work with....ha ha ha. I found that if Cambry has to "work" to get things, she tends to put them away and keep them nicer. We go through her toys once every 2-3 months and have a "keep" bag and a "give to other kids" bag. She and I go through and pick out all the toys to keep and all the toys to give to other kids, and she likes to do this. Sometimes she will bring me a new toy and say she wants to give it to another kid, but usually that is beause Autumn is playing with it.....ah siblings. I also give her a choice like Tina. I say, "you can either eat this/play with this, or I throw it away/take it away." Or things go into "time out" and she has to work to get them back...I don't really know, she's just starting this stage as well. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF US!!! HA HA HA.
My brother has his kids give away one of there toys before every birthday or Christmas to a friend that might be in need. This makes them thankful for the toys that they get to keep. Seems to work great for him!
We have the same problems...only my kids have had their toys taken away enough times that it doesn't even phase them anymore. They've started to make their own fun with each other (which is a good thing, but doesn't help the clean room situation).
I don't know if this is really what you're looking for, but we have started a token system that has helped SOMEWHAT. At first I thought I'd never be able to follow through, but it hasn't been too hard because the rewards have been worth it.
I bought a pack of poker chips and spray painted them gold (we call them graves gold) for our tokens.
Our kids have regular chores that they have to do no matter what, but we've offered the incentive that if they do them happily and before a lunchtime (or before 4:00 during the school year), they can earn tokens for them. If they choose to leave their jobs 'til evening, they still have to do them, but they don't get tokens. They can also earn tokens randomly for being polite, helping, and I have a list of "extra" jobs like cleaning out the car, dusting the fake plants :o), etc.
They use their tokens to earn computer/TV time, or sometimes I have prizes they can earn. The value of a token at our house is 10 cents, so they really have to save A LOT to get anything good. When they ask for things at the store, I tell them how many tokens that would cost, and they realize how much work they would have to do! I think it's definitely given them some sense of a "work ethic" although we still have a long way to go.
We give out tokens to reward good behavior, but we NEVER take them away for bad behavior. Once they've earned them...they're theirs.
(We DO "charge" them tokens if WE have to clean their room or do a job that they were supposed to do). Also, they CAN pay their siblings to do their jobs, but they usually don't have enough tokens in the bank.
Since starting this, we have a lot less "I want" but we still haven't solved the room cleaning dilemma.
As for the food thing, I've always followed WIC's advice that the parents decide what to eat, and the child can decide how much or whether to eat. Sometimes it's been hard because I hate to see a hungry child, but none of my kids have starved, and none of them are very picky. Brayden told me last week that he didn't want the mac'n'cheese I'd made for lunch. I said, "I'm sorry you don't like it, but that's what we have. Next time we'll make something that you like better". Since he knows I won't budge, he picked up his fork and ate it anyway without another word.
Oh, and one more idea. We had an FHE lesson once where I divided a white board into columns for each member of our family. We started with the kids and listed everything they have to do each day. Then we moved on to me and Todd's lists, and their eyes got pretty wide as the list kept going and going.
We then told them that we really wanted to spend more time having fun with them, but we were too busy with all that we had to do. The kids realized that if they helped us with some of our chores, we'd have more free time to play with them. Then we picked some of the things from our lists, and "moved" them over to their lists so it was more balanced.
It worked for a while, but I think it's time for a refresher :o)
They are kids. That is what they do. We've got the same problems. I think we just expect them to understand the world like we do. I think you're on the right track reminding them ov how good they've got it. Someday it will stick. If you come across anything that works, PLEASE let me know!!
Wow. Everyone's comments were great. I love Felicia's ideas. I've gotten pretty good at ignoring bad behavior (the tantrums, screaming, crying, begging) and it's amazing how quick they learn that it doesn't get them anywhere.
Kids are kids...I remember whining and complaining and begging. They'll mature and be just fine in the end...hopefully :)
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